I started writing an insanely long post about a whole lot of stuff you wouldn't want to read.

Then I deleted it all.

Real quick, here's an update on myself.

I'm still engaged, a little.

My daughter is six months old tomorrow.

I've got a new job.

My birthday is in a month and a few days.

And I've got feelings for a girl.

The end.

You know, it's been a very long time since I've updated this thing. Over a year, actually. A lot has happened in the past year, a lot has changed.

For one, I'm older now. Happy late birthday to me. I'm also seeing someone new, and have been since March 22, 2006. His name is Zach. We also have a baby together. A daughter, actually. She's gorgeous. Her name is Ava, and I love her to death. She was born on the 18th of June, and she's perfect. Big blue eyes, just like her daddy. But she's got my chubby cheeks and button nose. Still trying to figure out if she's got red hair or brown, but either way she's going to be a knock-out when she's older..come on, she's my daughter.

I never wanted kids. But now I've got one, and I can't wait until we're stable enough for another. I'm so amazed by this tiny human being, it's crazy. Everyday she looks a little different, and I get a little sad when I think about how quickly she's growing up. But then she gives me one of her cute lil' gummy smiles, and I'm instantly filled with joy. She's just over a month old and already toying with my emotions.

I love her with all my heart. She has no idea how much she's helped me grow. I'm completely sober now, I even quit smoking ciggarettes. I needed to anyway, those things make you stink!

I think I'm done for now..I've got a baby to feed.

I'll deffinately be updating a lot more often.

I've got two tickets to Iron Maiden baby
Come with me Friday, don't say maybe
Im just a teenage dirtbag baby like you

Yesterday I did nothing but get high the entire day. Well, after school. Jeremy picked Josh and Me up and Cody was in the car. So we went to my house to get my bowl and shit, and then we hit up the gravel. I was fucking retarded. I can't believe how fucked up I got. I usually never get like that. Then Later, Jeremy and I were bored so we went over to Cody's apartment and Josh (a different one) and Ronnie were there. So we smoked with them fer a little bit, and then we had to go pick up my sister at the middle school. She's into sports and shit.

Then later on, Jeremy called me and told me Zach was in town. Zach is like my big brother. Jeremy, Tyler, and I all lived with him for awhile. We have a lot of good memories together. So I had to smoke him up, because that's the polite thing to do. I found out that this weekend he gets to chill with the guys from Slipknot. Lucky Bastard. But it really was nice seeing him again. It's been awhile since he moved to Davenport and all. I told him he needed to get me the Silvertide CD fer a late birthday present, and I think he's going to.

I'm seriously thinking about dropping out of school. I know it's like, the dumbest thing I could do, but I don't have motivation to come anymore. I don't think I'm going to pass any of my classes, so I feel like theres no point.

More Later..

You hold a candle in your heart
You shine the light on hidden parts
You make the whole world wanna dance
You bought yourself a second chance

Concert is coming up.

I'm excited, I really am.

Just not today.

I feel like shit. Emotionally. I'm drained and I'm tired and I just want to smack somebody. I feel like a fat cow. Last Sunday I was down to 105.5 lbs, and today, this morning, I weighed in at like, 107 - 108. How do you gain three pounds in two/three days? It's bullshit. I'm such a fucking fatass.

Last night my mom asked me if I was bullimic. No, you fucking moron. Like I would beable to do that to myself? Just because I can make myself throw up easily doesn't mean I do it regularly. I just needed to last night because this patch is making me feel sick to my stomach anyway.

Clint called last night, asking if I had anything. Acutally, his exact words were You know anything about anything right now? And I was like, huh? And he was looking to smoke. So yeah, I told him I was planning on getting shit. But my guy didn't go through, so I had him find me some. Had to go to Lone Tree to get it, but it was worth it. You so owe me, Buddy.

Jeremy and I were getting kind of hot and heavy last night. Something that doesn't usually happen, because I choose to refrain myself from any form of sexual activity. You got lucky. Really though, I think I needed it. I was getting pretty tense. In other words, I was a complete bitch to everyone and anyone. Oh, but they're used to my phsyco-mood swings.

Went over to Cody's apartment yesterday too. His Girlfriend, Hollie, she's pretty cool. I like her a lot. She's sort of quiet though, sometimes.

Hm. Well..I think that's all I have to say fer now.

 Last night was amazing,  I could actually sleep. Know why? Because I got my period yesterday. Yeah, big deal. But it is, because I was having a really bad pregnancy scare. I've been pregnant before, so I'm always freaking out when my periods late, or when I just don't get it. Actually, I was planning on going home during lunch and taking a pregnancy test, but I didn't need to.

 I was really happy about my period for the first, I don't know..ten, twenty minutes. And then I remembered the cramping. And now that I know I'm not pregnant, I wish I never would have started my period. This shit sucks. Jeremy's always making fun of me, but it's not funny.

 I called Cliff last night. He's the guy that'll be my manager if I get the job. He told me that I should be getting a call from him next week so that we can set up an interview and all that jazz. He seems like a nice guy and all, but the whole time he was talking I couldn't help but wonder if his name was really "Cliffard". Like Cliffard The Big Red Dog. Then I felt stupid because I didn't pay attention to what he was saying. But he said he'd call me, and that I should expect to get this job. Yadda yadda..but I'm happy. Because I need it.

 If I get this job, Jeremy and I can have our apartment within the next two months. That'll be awesome.

Anyway. More later.